Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like going somewhere far away without anyone knowing just to see if anyone would care or miss me if I'm gone. I want to feel needed and most of the time I ask myself what I want to do with my life? And I know that no matter what other people tell me to do that the choice is up to me. But I really feel so pressured by a lot of things right now. I feel like an anchor is chained to me. If I leave to study in a different country will I be happy? If I decide to stay will I be happy? I hate that I think too much that I can't sleep sometimes and sometimes skip meals. My mind is telling me to leave and my heart is telling me to stay. That maybe if i see the same people a lot and dont feel needed, that if i see yhem a lot ill get sick of them and have no need to see them anymore. But even when I tell myself no one would care if I left, in reality I do want people to miss me and need me. If I no longer feel needed then maybe that's when I'll know it's my time to leave, that I am not meant to be where I am anymore..