Right now I feel lost..(Happy Thanksgiving message)

Hey guys, it's Bunso. These past few weeks/days have been hectic. I've experienced so many things I thought I would never put myself into. And heard many words that I don't want to hear. Honestly, I am lost in life right now. I feel so pressured by many people to go to Philippines to study or been told oh you could be an actress over there or whatever. A few months back I was sure that I wanted to go over there. People would treat me nicer than here, no one telling me what to do, no one comparing me to other people, not being told to go kill myself, etc. All I really wanted was to feel accepted. I don't want people to think of me as just a pretty face or a baby who can't take care of herself. Honestly, I can manage. One of the reasons I was going to leave is because we are struggling financially. I'm not doing it for me but for my family, but being a person that doesn't know what to study is hard. Cause all my life music has been what I focused ny life on, especially singing. Of course I went to college for a year and took music ed. Just to see if I wanted to teach, but after a year of taking it I realized it's not for me. My whole life I focused on becoming a singer. I'm not well known or anything like that, but that's been what I wanted to be since I was small. That's what I really want, but the hardest part is telling my Mom since she pressures me a lot. Even my titas, titos, aunts, uncles, etc. Everytime they ask me the same question, I feel unhappy for some reason. My heart aches, and I feel like crying. Of course, I hate crying in front of people so I bite my tongue, grin and bear it. I'm really trying hard to be strong, because I need to be strong for my mom and my sister. But sometimes I really want to cry, I really want to die, and sometimes I get negative thoughts that no one would miss me if I was left or if I'm gone. But I am lucky to have trustworthy friends I can talk to about my problems. Everyday when I wake up I look in the mirro and I hate who I see. But when I do wake up, I tell myself if there's a reason I woke up today then there's a reason God has kept me alive till now. I won't ever take my life because if God wakes me up, then it means someone needs me. I try my best to be thankful no matter how much I hate my life, because there are so many things to be thankful for. Please take this as a Thanksgiving message.  And if you or anyone you know is having problems like thoughts of suicide, depression, anxiety, etc. You don't have to give advice, all you have to do is sit there with them and just silence helps or telling the person you'll be there when you need them. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!